Coming Out of the Closet Bag & Box…#5
How a client is beginning…
Four days.
I am both eager and anxious.
It’s been ten days since Miriam was last at my house.
It’s been four days since I was last at my house.
I am eager to get back to work.
I am anxious that it’s all a losing battle.
Has the fledgling order returned to chaos? Will I have to start from scratch? Will I return home and find myself defeated and uninspired?
In my mind’s eye Miriam has helped me start what I’m beginning to view as a life change.
I’m trying to be the person I always wanted to be. I want to be less concerned with Who I am, and more concerned with How I am.
I’m trying to recommit to my many roles, as mother, wife, professional, entrepreneur, daughter, sister and friend while accepting that I’m not going to do all of these things well all the time, but I might do all of them well most of the time.
I’ve been away from house for four days because I was on a business trip.
When I entered my hotel room, the first thing I did was to open my suitcase and put things where they belong: suits in the closet, toiletries in the rest room, computer on the desk and briefcase read to go. And I realized that in fifteen years of business travel I’ve never EVER done that. I’ve opened my suitcase and retrieved items from the suitcase as needed and then left them where ever I was when I was done using them. This, of course, would always resul in terrible, nagging anxiety when leaving the hotel. Did I check all the drawers? Under the bed? In the closet? What did I leave behind?
But not this time.
And this time, when I closed my eyes and rested my head against the washed and pressed sheets of the hotel bed, ready for sleep, I would see — in my mind’s eye — my own clean living room. What the kids’ play room should look like in two weeks. I take it further… replacing my ratty wall-to-wall carpets with wood flooring. The fourteen year old water stained curtains with bamboo. The kitchen floor, minus the torn linoleum now gleaming with stained and polished concrete.
I’m eager to get home and make it a reality.
But I am anxious.
What if I can’t do it?
I miss my Tuesdays with Miriam. They’ve gone from being a way to clean the house to a way to build the life I think I want. They’ve restored my faith in myself and my ability to realize my dreams.
And thank you, Miriam, for this optimism.
Tags: change, dreaming, home, life, organizing, Simplifying
Amazing! This series is truly inspiring and wonderfully heartfelt. Can’t wait to read more!
Great journey we are part of, following your story. Gives hope to all of us as we identify with your pain.
You are an inspiration, my dear. Hubs and I signed up for emails…it’s like dipping a pinky toe in. :)