Coming Out of the Closet Bag & Box…#8
One Sock at a Time
The small efforts that comprise the day-by-day of our lives shouldn’t be
over simplified. But reductionism is, in a sense, the name of this game,
right? The whole reduce, recycle, reuse issue brought to home. So can I then
assume that the casual act of picking up a stray pink sock and tossing it
into the laundry basket is an apt metaphor for me realizing my dreams?
For some odd reason, that’s what’s happened. As if my life depends on it,
every stray item in my house has now taken on huge metaphoric meaning. And
– here’s the kicker — I still don’t know what to do with it all. So it’s
haunting me, taunting me, infusing my life with a sense of – what’s the
opposite of accomplishment?
Ah, yes: being a loser.
You might think, with what I’ve learned so far, that I know to put one foot
in front of another. That every journey begins with a single step. That I
can just kick myself into gear and put everything away. La Dee Dah. But
then, dear reader, you’ll have missed the point where there is no “away” for
everything. There is no (and has not been) rhyme or reason to my house, or
my life. I’m inventing the “where everything goes” as I go along. And each
item retrieved off a flat surface in my home can send me into paroxysms of
anxiety over said item’s value, both symbolic and real, even before I get
around to “oh, it belongs in the sock drawer.”
(As an aside, do you know what the New Mexico state motto is? “Crescit
eundo” which, translated, means “It grows as it goes.” Which should doubly
explain why I’m raising my family in the Land of Mañana.)
Which brings me to the issue at hand. Having embarked on this a simple
mission of decluttering and streamlining, I find myself instead tackling the
demonic, psychologically flaying need to bridge the heartbreaking disconnect
between what I see in my mind’s eye and what is actually around me.
And, in my current state of mind, that means bridging the gap between what I
thought my life would be like and what it’s actually become.
Just last week a friend (let’s call her Rosie), thinking that I must be well
on my way to making my house more hospitable, stopped by to visit.
Up until she crossed the threshold of my door, I would survey my living room
and see nothing but potential and the small but meaningful changes in the
way my family and I tried managing our household. And yet the minute Rosie
walked in, all I saw was the clear evidence of my family’s pathological
hoarding habits, our inability to “keep house” and how, for all the work
I’ve done, I’ve truly miles to go before I sleep. All I saw was a reflection
of myself as a loser.
Now, you know I’m gonna go those miles. I’m gonna whip my house and life
into shape. But there’s a whole new dimension added now, a whole new level
of complexity and a whole new goal in mind. Rosie’s visit forced me to
articulate, finally, why this is so difficult, why Miriam’s role is so
vital, and why I’m doing it. I want not only to clean my house. I want to
reinvent myself as a better me.
Easy peasy.
But it’s true. I’m not just ready for routines to keep my house organized.
I’m ready for a process and mindset that makes it sustainable, a reflection
of a more organized me.
The perspective shift of Rosie’s visit was not how do I find the drive and
discipline to sort, sift and stash. It goes beyond how do I see myself
living in my house? It’s about how do I see myself living in my life. And
seeing it, how do I get there? When the beautiful early morning light wafts
through my windows, what will it illuminate? When the day ends, upon what
will the sun’s light be setting?
I can see it now, and I can make it happen. One sock at a time.
Tags: frustration, organizing, revelation, simlifying, socks
So not a loser! Absolutely beautiful. BTW the New Mexico state motto is no excuse for not having a plan, although I have always thought it explains a lot – enchanting.
Wonderful! I love reading and hearing about people recognizing problems and working on solutions and then changing their lives! It’s soo cool! Thank you!